Ohhhhh girl, I could talk about this subject for days and days and days because I pretty much
hate (eww "hate" is such an ugly word. I just really really really don't care for...) shopping in actual stores. ... but I won't bore you with all of that. I will, however, exercise my obsessive compulsive tendencies and outline what I'm about to elaborate on.
- The real shopping experience: fellow shoppers need manners more than I need air in my lungs
- That awkward moment when you realize you are way too old/young for the store you're in
- Are the numbers on this tag correct? The ones after the "$"? Are you serious?!?!
Every time I go shopping in the real world, this is what happens...
Option A:
Imagine you are at the mall and you spot a super cute top across the store. There isn't a soul near the rack so you make your move and start to zoom in on your target, and suddenly every.single.person in the entire world finds the need to pick over your shoulder and around your arms to sort through the same rack that seemingly did not even exist 5 seconds ago!!! It's called manners, people! If I am clearly standing in front of a rack of clothing, do not come and squeeze your way into my zone... rude! This is a clothing store, not a yard sale. If I wanted to have my bubble of personal space invaded, I'd go to Wal-mart; but I don't want to be a person of Wal-mart because that is a slippery slope my friends (don't believe me? check out www.peopleofwalmart.com and see if it does not scare you straight into a Target shopper for life.). Fail.
Option B:
You walk into a store with a little extra pep in your step because you see an outfit that is all sass (for those of you who are not from the South, "all sass" is the ultimate!) and has your name written all over it. You are literally filled with hope and excitement that you may have finally found my go-to store because, let's face it ladies, finding that store that speaks to your inner fashionista is nearly impossible to find. Maybe it's because you have so much adrenaline pumping or maybe you are blinded by the fluorescent lighting; regardless of the reason, you literally scan the store with crazy eyes until you see the outfit you came in hunting for and beam yourself right over to it and it's not exactly what the mannequin in the window was sassin' to you, but it will do. And since you found this gem, surely you will find tons of other pieces of fabulousness for your wardrobe... and freeze! Your eyes focus and you realize, "holy mother of sweet baby Jesus... where am I? What is this stuff Who wears this?". Maybe this store doesn't have your name written all over it. Fail.
Option C (and we are going to keep this option short because I feel like I may or may not be getting a cramp in my hands from typing this novel):
Finally! You have found a store with great basics. White tees, black skinnies, cute blazers, rockin' accessories... it's like the Holy Grail of stores for women who are old enough to buy their own drinks but young enough to still want a guy to do it for them. You pick up that white tee that is PERFECT! Easy to dress up, dress down AND (wait for it... wait for it...) isn't see through!! (-- side note, why are all clothes friggin' transparent?!!) You and I both know that things like this don't happen every day, so you start to make your way to the register and you casually flip over that tag and you lose all blood in your face. There is no way... seriously no way... how much?!?! Ugh, forget it, can't get it, I can't eat for a week if I get this shirt. Fail.
...Stay tuned for why online shopping is la' JAM!!!
